
Do you have someone in your life that is prone to drama? You know who I mean; we all know people who have to be surrounded by a personal crisis. They constantly overreact, are repeatedly in victim mode, often have some negative complaint or argument, or stir up conflict in their interactions with others. This draining type of relationship can be extremely challenging, especially when it is a relative or co-worker that you have to interact with on a frequent basis. If you are looking for ways to shield yourself from being sucked into the vacuum of theatrics, this is just the post for you.
Why They do It
It helps to have a little (and only a little) insight into why people behave like this. Often it stems from previous trauma or dysfunction at home, and without really knowing it they are recreating a familiar environment by creating drama. If someone is raised in crisis mode, that is their comfort zone. It's a scary and sad space to be in, but we sometimes do what is familiar even if it's not good for us. Additionally, they were never introduced to proper coping skills that might help them calm down or try to use a positive approach to a negative situation. This, however, does not justify the continuance of toxic or damaging behavior around others. It has to be shut down.
Empathy
Now that you know why people do it, I hope you can adopt my perspective: It's sad and I'm grateful that I don't function in that mode. I honestly feel bad for anyone stuck in that cycle, which is one of the main reasons I teach and counsel. There are ways out of the cycle. The bottom line is that I no longer get really irritated or sucked into it, which allows me to stay calm and remember the strategies listed below so that I can protect my peace of mind.
“Taking on too much of other people’s drama is just a poor excuse for not taking ownership and control over your own life.” ― José N. Harris
Diversion
A great tactic to use is changing the conversation. You can even interrupt (with appropriate interrupting manners of course) and you may have to if they are hogging the conversation. Share a positive article you have recently read, or talk about a shared friend or colleague with happy news, or show them your entire photo feed on your phone, explaining each one in great detail. Be adamantly enthusiastic about it and insist they focus on what you are sharing until they have to leave.

Set Boundaries
If you are prepared to set and then maintain boundaries, here is how. Gently explain how you are focusing on only positive thoughts and looking for the best in all situations. You can share how you are letting everyone know that you are now limiting complaining, or gossiping, or stressing out without making a plan of action. If they bring up drama, you can ask them to stop doing whatever they are doing, or simply say, "I'm avoiding talking about any family issues right now to preserve my mental health". Or, "Let's focus on solutions and problem solving; I'm trying to make a habit of it." Repeat it in other ways if needed. I highly recommend using "I" statements and effective communication during this process. Keep in mind you will often have to remind them of this boundary until they get it, or abandon ship and try another approach if it fails three times or more.
Stay Zen
Don't get upset if they are coming at you with a confrontation; just stick to the facts rather than emotions. Repeat the facts if necessary. If it isn't a good time for you to address their concerns, ask to set up a time for the two of you to talk. Usually by the time the appointment arrives, they have moved on to other drama. If not, you will know that they still have strong concerns and hopefully an adult conversation is possible. If not, limit communications to email where you can take your time to think about how and when you want to respond. Getting mad or upset only fuels the drama and we don't want to give away our power or energy to that.
Actively Listen
If it doesn't trigger you and the person just genuinely needs to vent (occasionally) then go ahead and listen if you are willing. Paraphrase what they say or ask clarifying questions, listening to understand their point of view rather than listening to respond with your own thoughts or reactions. This way you won't be fueling any drama but instead providing a neutral sounding board. If this becomes a frequently repeated habit, though, or stresses you out in any way, choose one of the other options to try.

Walk Away
Sometimes the other approaches are not effective, and you literally need to have a plan of escape to walk away. Whip your phone out of your pocket and wave a bit frantically, saying, "Oh, I really have to take this! Excuse me please!" or, "I'm sorry to interrupt but I just realized I have to make an important call!" and speed walk out of there with the phone to your ear before they can say anything. Or suddenly (and dramatically) grab your stomach and loudly whisper, "I need a bathroom break right now!" then walk stiffly but quickly in the other direction. Add in a louder, "Whoa, Nelly" as you are leaving.
You Deserve Peace
Through all of this, remember that you are creating a life that you love. You deserve peace, positive interactions, and for your personal boundaries to be respected. Your boss, your ex, your sister in law, your housemate, or anyone else on earth needs to come second to your sanity. Mental health impacts our physical health and should be honored and protected. Put up your shield and don't feel bad about it. They often learn you are no longer contributing to a state of drama and will go elsewhere looking for it.
How do you avoid drama in your life? Share your best practices in the comments.
Love,
Dax
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