Long term illness, disease, conditions, and injury can wreak havoc on our bodies, and sometimes create even worse damage to our state of mind. There are ways to get through it with preservation of spirit.
After five years of battling extensive nerve damage from a horrible virus and dealing with a blood disease, I've become an expert on how to get through recovery. Here are some of the best strategies to use to preserve your mental health when your physical state is a struggle.
Don't Compare Your Current Self to Your Previous Self
When my neurologist first gave me this advice, I thought he was crazy. My former self was amazing, doing all the things and doing them well. I had to get her back; how could I possibly move forward with what was left over? I had young kids to care for, bills to pay, and people to counsel. My body absolutely had to heal. But, it didn't. And I have learned to accept the blessings that come with that, such as a less frenzied schedule and more time at home with my family. I have learned to accept my limitations, and while I still maintain hope of better days, I don't beat myself up when it takes much longer to do a basic chore, or a simple exercise. My new self is grateful every single day just to be alive, and what a gift that has become.
The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have. –Vince Lombardi
Do What You Can, As You Can
For months I was on bed rest, then graduated to couch rest. I would lay down and do three lifts of my arms and count it as a full workout. (Prior to getting ill I hit the company gym hard four days a week.) Unloading the dishwasher was a goal that took me three months to accomplish after writing it down. I keep setting goals and I do my best. It often takes me longer than I would like, but I stay positive because it's better than it was a few years ago. Go easy on yourself and only do what you can with what you have to work with. Take it fifteen minutes at a time if you have to.
Accept Help
This is often the hardest part for my clients. It was for me too. But people who care about you need to feel like they are doing something to help. Let them prepare meals, or do errands, or help with the kids or dog. Be ready to reach out and ask for help with things that exhaust you, so that you can save your energy to heal.
Disregard The Judgments
There will be people who can't handle that you are sick, or injured, or not who you were before. They will not be supportive and might even be disbelieving, rude, mean, or distant. You will find out who has your back and who does not, which can be hurtful. Someone actually accused me of being a bad parent while I was on bed rest. One of my colleagues started a rumor that I was just having a mental breakdown and not seizures. Though I really hope you don't encounter any people with this level of poor character, you probably will. Understand that the only thing determining your own character is your behavior, and not what others say. Focus on how to be the best version of you in this moment, and disregard the rest.
Practice Gratitude
I use the word practice because it does take a concerted effort and it's not always easy. Pain, disability, limitations, fear, and anger can all make us want to have a pity party. And a few of those are okay, but overall your mental and physical health will improve with gratitude exercises. Science shows that being grateful can lower stress, anxiety, pain levels, and depression while improving sleep quality, appetite, relationships, and overall levels of happiness. A simple counting of your blessings works wonders on getting through tough times.
Prayer
I prayed before I got sick, but nothing like how I prayed during and after. It was the one comfort I had lying alone in a hospital bed expecting to die. It was comfort when I was terrified, and strength when I needed it to crawl back to life. That connection with God for me was okay before, but I now realize that the frenzy of daily life got me off track from the things that were really important. Mainly, time with my family and a daily connection to something much bigger than myself. If you are new to prayer, it is very easy. Open yourself up to the beauty all around you, feel the connection to love and energy that surrounds us. Have a simple conversation where you ask for what you need and say thank you for what you have. That's it.
Help Others
What happened to you happened, and likely for a reason. You may or may not get that reason revealed to you in this lifetime. But if you can eventually use the experience to help another person going through a rough time it will help you both. Some days I still hate that I am limited now, but it has definitely made me a better parent, a better counselor, a better person. And I'm helping others in ways that would not have been possible without going through an awful experience. Get yourself to a stable place, and then do what you can to share your story with those who need to hear it.
I welcome our community discussion about getting through difficulties and hearing your experiences and wisdoms.
Love and blessings,
Dax
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