Here are my most successfully used strategies to help children manage stress, anxiety, fear, anger, pain, and grief.
These exercises are so good, you're going to want to do them too. In fact, I highly recommend leading you child through these until he or she can take a turn leading you through it. Practice them until your child knows them by heart, but even then you can always do them together.
Box Breathing
It's not just for grown ups! Breathe in slowly through the nose for 3 seconds, hold for 3 seconds, breathe out slowly through the mouth for 3 seconds. If they are under 5 years you can try a 2-2-2 second pattern. Try to get him to pull the air from below the belly button, to access the deep, purified air at the bottom of the lungs. Check out my post on breathing to reduce stress levels.
Tell him, "I breathe in calm" [or bravery, peace, love, etc.] and, "I breathe out stress" [or hurt, anger, fear, etc.]. It is important for children to learn that they can control their thoughts by using their words if possible in this process.
You can also have your child place his or her hands flat on top of yours for physical contact, or do this with a hug, etc. Tell him to match your breathing and do the guided counting and words. Let him know that the breathing brings in the good and filters out the bad.
Hand Rubbing
Have your child clap her hands together and rub as fast and as hard as she can to create warmth and friction. As she rubs them together, have her focus on the heat she feels. Ask her where her body needs good energy to go. My son often chooses his tummy for stress. If she can choose, great, if not, start with tummy, heart, or head and go from there.
Once her hands are hot, have her place them on the spot to be healed and have her close her eyes and feel the energy transfer. Once it fades, repeat the process until she is calm and in control of her own energy. This is very empowering for a child.
Gratitude
Anxiety often spikes at night making bedtime a challenge. Teaching children to go through a brief list of things they are grateful for creates a habit of positive thinking before sleep instead of worry. There are many gratitude prompts out there you can search that will give you help, such as:
1 person
1 item
1 memory
1 sense
1 thing that is funny
1 things that makes you happy
1 food you get to eat
The STOP Hand, or 5-4-3-2-1
Have your child put up his hand as a stop against anxiety. The five fingers represent the 5 senses. Have him name:
5 things he can see
4 things he can touch
3 things he can hear
2 things he can smell
1 thing he can taste
This works great outside but we have even done it in the dark in bed after a bad dream.
Prayer/Meditation
Children can benefit from many of the benefits these offer, such as; we are not alone, we are loved, and energy can be released from our mind and body to a higher power. It can help children learn to communicate what they want, what they need, and what to give thanks for. If you/your child is new to prayer, consider just having a conversation with God about what is going on in you/your child's life right now.
Make a Plan
Maybe the stress of a school project is the source. Maybe it is a broken toy. Maybe it is something much bigger. Have your child identify it and then make a simple plan with 1-3 action items. Often one action item is enough. Teach her to brainstorm possible action items and to identify options. Learning that there are choices, even if they aren't our favorite choices, is very powerful and a coping and survival tool of epic proportions. Once the action item(s) are chosen, the worry needs to be put aside because there is a plan in place to begin as soon as possible.
Imagine it Gone
Kids get unwanted thoughts too. My son was bullied in second grade and had a tough time letting it go after it was all over. What ended up working for him was imagery. He pictured the face of the bully glued on to a baseball, imagined throwing the ball up in the air, and then whacking it out of the park for a home run. Sometimes he even went through the physical motion of throwing and swinging, just without a real ball or bat. It allowed him to visualize it leaving his mind and body. Every time he brought it up I reminded him to "take a swing at it" and get it out of his system. They can also write it on paper and tear it up or write it on toilet paper and flush it if the imagery alone isn't enough.
Run it Off
Mini workouts, a physical game, even yoga can work great for kids to use as a coping skill. Have your child sit down on the floor and stand back up as many times as she can in 30 seconds. We actually made a wall designated for rubber balls to be thrown against for catching practice and my kids both do it to relieve stress and get energy out. Is it loud? Yes. Does it drive the dog crazy? Yes. Is it leaving little ball marks on the pristine white walls? Yes. Is it totally worth it? Yes.
I look forward to hearing what worked for you and your child, or any suggestions you have that I didn't mention here. It takes a village, after all, so sharing is always welcomed here.
Love and blessings,
Dax
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